I ran smack dab face-first into my own mortality today. I wish I could say it came from a life threatening event, or a sudden shock of reality by finding a horrid age spot on my body, but I am not that deep.
For one thing, I’ve known for some time now my beard is getting gray. My body went lumpy and old about the time I turned 25. I don’t like near death experiences so I take great pains to avoid them, and my children, Lord love them, make me feel old every day so that is a pressure I am getting used to (even the fact that my oldest son will turn 17 on January 30 doesn’t really phase me).
I hate to say it, but my mortality was revealed through the fact that I still do stupid, everyday things that I should have out grown years ago. I caught myself being human and couldn’t help but wonder, am I going to die like this? Am I going to work and work at being a better person, then turn around and revert back to junior high just as they turn the ventilator off just after my body has outlived all its warranties?
My darling wife is very much aware of my humanity. She patiently points out some of the rough edges that she would rather stop explaining to her friends. “He comes from Wyoming. They do things differently there,” I’ll hear her say. “Where he comes from, that sort of thing is normal. They just have different standards than the ones we had in my family.”
Once, when we were in church I tried to explain that, although Mormons have high standards, we still act human. “We just don’t swear when we yell at our kids,” I said.
My wife leaned over and gave me THE LOOK.
“Oh, yeah,” I said. “Let me change that. We don’t swear at our kids most of the time.”
I’d rather not wallow in my sins right now, so suffice it to say that my human side is stupid, and petty and probably more embarrassing than criminal. But the important thing is that I keep trying. I haven’t given up yet. My tactics are not the best, if they were any good I probably would have been translated by now, but I don’t think there is any fear of that happening any time soon.
The most discouraging part of my foibleishness is that I waste so much time and energy kicking myself for not being as good as I should be that I wonder how I ever get anything done at all. If I spent as much time working on my writing or playing my saxophone as I do on repenting, I would have been a bestselling author of books about how to play the saxophone by now.
Once again, there is hope. There is a chance that all those two-by-fours that I get smacked with will knock off enough rough edges that someday I won’t be an embarrassment to my wife. My kids, they will always be embarrassed no matter what I do.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Gooseberry: Don't look a gift Democrat in the Mouth
I watched the inauguration with much interest last week.
I wasn't going to do it, but my conference call (on a bill about tax audits and refund requirments) was cancelled. I found myself wandering down to the break room at my office and stood with a floor full of fellow employees and watched history in the making.
All I can say is it looked a lot like history repeating.
What was most interesting about the television channel we were tuned to is that it was one of those 24 hour business channels where the stock ticker was running constantly during the show. Every single stock was plummetting during the swearing in and speach of now President Obama.
There were many impressive moments. I believe he really means it when he says he wants to help other nations. He had a hard sell on being worried about global warming, especially when everyone around him was bundled up against the freezing weather (incidentally, Pew just released a poll stating that global warming is at the bottom of the list of issues anyone, anywhere cares about). The one thing that scared me, however, was when he said something to the effect of "Times are hard and we are going to have to grow up and make tough choices."
When a Republican breathes those words that usually means we are going to increase military spending and the schools will have to pander on the streets to buy books. When a Democrat says that (and the last time I checked O-baaa-ma was a Democrat) he means, "Somebody is going to have to pay a lot more in taxes. And guess what, it ain't going to be me."
In case you haven't figured it out, that was O-baaa-ma speak for REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH.
I wasn't going to do it, but my conference call (on a bill about tax audits and refund requirments) was cancelled. I found myself wandering down to the break room at my office and stood with a floor full of fellow employees and watched history in the making.
All I can say is it looked a lot like history repeating.
What was most interesting about the television channel we were tuned to is that it was one of those 24 hour business channels where the stock ticker was running constantly during the show. Every single stock was plummetting during the swearing in and speach of now President Obama.
There were many impressive moments. I believe he really means it when he says he wants to help other nations. He had a hard sell on being worried about global warming, especially when everyone around him was bundled up against the freezing weather (incidentally, Pew just released a poll stating that global warming is at the bottom of the list of issues anyone, anywhere cares about). The one thing that scared me, however, was when he said something to the effect of "Times are hard and we are going to have to grow up and make tough choices."
When a Republican breathes those words that usually means we are going to increase military spending and the schools will have to pander on the streets to buy books. When a Democrat says that (and the last time I checked O-baaa-ma was a Democrat) he means, "Somebody is going to have to pay a lot more in taxes. And guess what, it ain't going to be me."
In case you haven't figured it out, that was O-baaa-ma speak for REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH.
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