Gooseberry’s Rule of Politics # 6: We are always right, but we are never dead right.

I used to think of myself as a good and solid conservative. I thought, “what else could I be? I despise the extreme positions of liberalism.” And while it is true I am by no stretch of the imagination a liberal, I find myself just as baffled and put off by those who push the right side of the conservative envelope.


I find the extreme right a bit too fatalistic for my tastes. They preach doom and gloom without holding out any hope for salvation. To them, we are all going to hell in a hand basket and can only be saved by wearing hair shirts and eating a steady diet of poached salmon and rubber chicken. (I don’t mind the hair shirt. Ever since I turned 30 I’ve found hair is a natural part of my back and shoulders, but I really don’t like all that rubber chicken served at extreme right events.)


Could it be I am a … moderate?

I shudder at the thought. While I am no right wing nut job, and would be struck by lightening should I ever be considered a liberal, I am definitely not a moderate. In my universe, moderates are flaky, noncommittal types with sore crotches from riding the fence all the time.


I ain’t no fence rider.


In my universe, I am a passionate crusader who leaps over fences in a single bound. In my universe I am out there, in the game, running in the offense, hitting hard, driving home my ideals, eating banana pudding and drinking ice cold Diet Pepsi. (In reality I trip now and then at the fence and my wife doesn’t let me eat banana pudding because she has food allergies. I also whimper a lot more in reality than I do in the universe of my own creation.)


If I’m not an extreme conservative, or a liberal, or a moderate, what am I?


I believe in fiscal responsibility. I believe in taking care of widows and the truly destitute. I believe in supporting our troops (which begins by wise deployment then is followed up by sacrifices at home to make sure they have what they need when they have to be out there, defending my freedom). I believe marriage is between one man and one woman. I believe in my right to say whatever I want, but that I must suffer consequences when my speech is patently offensive or vulgar. I believe in my right to approach any one of my elected officials as a citizen and that I should not be penalized because I know what I am doing. I believe any more tinkering with abortion in our legal system will muck things up even worse than they are now and that we need to shift that debate into the social arena where we can work at cutting off the supply by empowering women and supporting both the mother and the child without being forced to choose between the survival of one or the other. I believe that if you can afford to live a green lifestyle you should have the right to spend as much money as you want to limit your own emissions, but that we shouldn’t force people on limited incomes to pay half of their paychecks on gasoline, electricity and heat. I believe in the rights of all liberals to eat tofu, drive hybrid cars, name their children weird-funky names and hope they respect me when I choose to do otherwise. I believe in spaying and neutering my pets. I further believe pets are a great idea, for other people, and would gladly surrender both of my dogs if it wouldn’t break the hearts of my wonderful wife and five great children. I believe immigration is a boon to our nation because we are raising lazy, video-game-playing mooks who will bankrupt us soon if we don’t get someone willing to do the work.


I think I’m going to follow in the footsteps of US Senator Mike Enzi and start a whole new movement called Reasonableness. Senator Enzi votes consistently as one of the most conservative members of Congress, and yet is considered an approachable moderate by those in the opposition party. Why? Because he is not so steeped in his own rhetoric that he can’t reach across the aisle and work on the 80 percent of the issues that he doesn’t view as pure partisan fodder.

Reasonableness is a philosophy designed for independent minds with solid principles. Reasonableness begins with an understanding that you can find common ground if both sides truly believe in the principles they are espousing and that we can reach a solution if we truly care about what we are doing. It is for free thinkers who realize that neither side of the political spectrum owns all truth and who make their decisions based on life experiences without bowing to pedantic political rhetoric.

At least, that's what it means in my universe.